How To Piss Gaara Off!


Some Surefire Ways to Get You Sabaku Kyuu’d

Call him “Mr. Sabaku.”

Better yet, call him “Gayra Fluffykins.”

Shave his head bald and write “I’m a crazy homicidal idiot who belongs in an asylum!” in permanent marker on the back of his head.

Make an AIM account for him.

Make it so that Gaara’s AIM screen name is something like “BabySandman” or “GaaraFluffykins”. Make sure he can’t change it.

Sneak some sleeping pills in his ice cream, then while he’s out cold, write “I love me!”, using his “?” as the substitution for “love”.

Steal his gourd of sand, then while he’s looking for it, pour ink of all sorts of colors into the gourd, then shake vigorously. That way, whenever he tries to Sabaku Kyuu someone, they’ll go, “Ooh, pretty colors…”

If you can’t find ink, then steal paint from an art supplies shop in Sunagakure and find some colored sand, then follow the instructions in number 7.

Better yet, add glitter and sparkles and rhinestones, and then decorate his gourd with all sorts of pretty things, like stickers of flowers, drawings of smiley faces, sparkles…you get the idea.

Call him “Baby Sandman, Sobaka no Gayra Fluffykins”.

Call him that in front of everyone else, such as Temari, Kankuro, Naruto, etc.

If you want to be killed quickly, then make a noise like a trumpet, announce in a really loud and pompous voice, “HIS MAJESTY, BABY SANDMAN, SOBAKA NO GAYRA FLUFFYKINS!”, and pretend to crash some “cymbals” after the announcement every time he enters a room.

Buy him some ice cream in his favorite flavor and then grind some onions and garlic into tiny little pieces, and put the onions and garlic into the ice cream. Then ask him to have some ice cream.

Four words: ULTIMATE NARUTO FAN FLASH. (Doesn’t matter what number it is, just show him the Ultimate Naruto Fan Flash and watch his expression grow in horror!)

Sing a happy song and act like Sohma Momiji from Fruits Basket.

ALL DAY.

Sprinkle confetti and sparkles on him whenever he enters a room.

Play Marco Polo with him.

Make sure he can’t get out of playing Marco Polo with you.

Peep on him while he’s trying to take a shower.

Chant some sort of pig Latin into his ear.

…while he’s trying to do paperwork.

Write “SIGNED, HIS MAJESTY, BABY SANDMAN, SOBAKA NO GAYRA FLUFFYKINS, SUPER PERVERT” at the bottom of all of his paperwork.

…make sure it’s in permanent marker.

Rub catnip all over him while he’s doing paperwork, then let a sack of crazed cats go crazy on him.

Pour catnip into his sand and shake vigorously. His poor victims will not be too happy about this, no sir…

Drag him to peep on Temari while she’s showering and blame it on him when you two get caught.

Pour dog poop and cat pee into his sand, or better yet, on him.

…make sure to cut off their water and electricity, leaving him to bump into poor Temari and Kankuro, making them all smelly and dirty and SERIOUSLY pissed off at Gaara.

Trick him into eating chocolate cake with dog poop in it.

When he settles down to finish his paperwork, stack more paperwork on the desk and LEAVE. QUICKLY.

Criticize him.

…for no reason at all.

…at random times.

Buy him a one-way plane ticket to Jamaica. (No offense if you’re Jamaican or live in Jamaica! I just thought that it’d be funny to see Gaara pissed off in Jamaica…:( )

When you see him in the streets, point to him and say loudly, “SEE? I KEEP TELLING YOU, HE’S NOT JAPANESE!” in a funny accent. Then when he comes over, angry, tell him in the same funny accent, “BUT SIR, IT IS TRUE THAT YOU ARE FROM AMERICA, YES?” (This one isn’t as funny, but if you think so, tell me in your review, please! Just mention “number 36 on the list” and I’ll know what you’re talking about.)

If he’s feeling bloodthirsty, whip out a fresh bouquet of red roses and a box of chocolate, then hand them to him, pat him on his head, and say in a sickly sweet voice, “Aw, is Gayra Fluffykins-poo blue today?”

Eat his teddy in front of him and other people.

Shred his teddy into a million little pieces, then mix it into his ice cream, and when he eats his ice cream, scream, “AUGH! YOU TRAITOR!” and break down into tears.

…when he asks why you called him a traitor, sob and refuse to tell him.

A few days later, when he’s looking for Teddy, cheerfully tell him with a smile on your face that you ground dear Teddy up into his ice cream and that Gaara ate him. Then RUN.

Fly around in Suna, throwing photoshopped pictures of Gaara kissing Sasuke. (No, don’t imagine it, and I’m not a yaoi fan, okay? I’m just putting it up for humor purposes.)

…if you’re feeling especially brave, throw photoshopped pictures of Gaara and Sasuke having sex. (Same applies here! NOT A YAOI FAN, AND DON’T IMAGINE IT! FOR HUMOR PURPOSES ONLY!)

Steal both his gourd and his teddy, and don’t give them back until he begs for mercy. Then when he begs for mercy, take pictures of him and threaten to use the photos for blackmail unless he promises to give the teddy and gourd to you.

…if Gaara gives the gourd and teddy to you, blackmail him anyway.